How Do I Love Thee
by Lucid Dreamer
Summary: Making fun of Lancitty. What can be better? Review. Or I'll start writing JeanPietro stuff again.


How Do I Love Thee 

A/N:  Ahh.  Making fun of couples in love.  If a better past time exists for lonely people like me… well, tell me about it.

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"Oh Kitty, let me count the ways."

Lance had been staring out the window for the past half hour, clutching an 8x10 picture of Kitty pride to his chest.  He sighed, looking at the decrepit, bare tree in their front yard.

"One is for your smile, and how warm it makes me feel inside.

"Two is for your eyes.  Bright and radiant, I can stare into them for hours.

"Three is for your lips.  Those soft, sweet lips I miss when you're not around.

"Four uh, hehe, is for your forgiving nature.  I won't take it for granted how you accepting you are of me, even after the things we've had to do to all of you for Mystique.

"And five-"

"GOOOLLLDEEENNNN RIIIIIIIINNGSS!"  Pietro burst in front of him, occupying the view from the window.  Arms spread wide, he had snatched Kitty's picture from Lance's grasp, flapping it through the air as he finished his line.

They were quickly joined by Todd.  "Four calling birds."

And Fred.  "Three French hens."

And even Wanda – who had a smirk on her face.  "Two turtle doves."

"And a partridge in a pear treeeee!!!"  The three sang, posing behind Lance as a flash momentarily blinded him.

Lance blinked as the white image burned into his mind, balled up his fists, then begun to rub his eyes.  "That wasn't funny, you guys!"

"That's because you haven't seen it on video, yet."  Fred chuckled, as he reached towards the ceiling, pulling down a video camera, which had been taped to the ceiling.  He popped out the tape, which had caught Lance's swoon session in its entirety.  "Boy, am I glad we stole this thing before we got kicked out of school."

"Gimme that!"  The rock tumbler had leapt for the cassette, which Fred easily held out of reach.  Lance tried again, but considering his friend's girth, his hands couldn't come close enough to the videotape.

"Yo, Lance, don't worry about it.  You know how much America's Funniest Home Videos gives for quality stuff like this?"  Todd hopped on his head, then bounced onto Fred's shoulders.  "Especially your poetry!"

Pietro broke into a fit of laughter.  "Yeah, that was a complete riot.  

Roses are red, Kitty's eyes are blue

We're both mutants, and brown-haired too

"Laaaame!"  Pietro zipped onto their coffee table and looked down to his friend.  "Hey, I got poetry of my own.  Ready guys?"

The Brotherhood members quickly rushed in to form a circle.  Then they started clapping.

There was a mutant had a girl, and Kitty was her name-O

      K – I – T – T - Y

      K – I – T – T - Y

      K – I – T – T - Y

      And Kitty was her name-O!

Lance shut his eyes and clamped his hands over his ears, hoping to will them into submission.  Unfortunately, to his embarrassment, he had yet to develop telepathy.

      *CLAP* *clap* - T – T – Y

      *CLAP* *clap* - T – T – Y

      *CLAP* *clap* - T – T – Y

      And kitty was her name-O!

Pietro and Wanda grabbed one another's hands as they started to prance around the living room.  The eldest mutant had no alternative but to cross his arms, sit back, and take the abuse from his friends.  The whole situation seemed strange, most notably Wanda.  _ When the hell did she get **that** friendly with everyone?  Especially Pietro?!_

The twins pressed themselves together for a hug, nuzzling one another's nose and making kissy faces at Lance.  Pietro scooped Wanda into his arms while mocking Lance's proclamations of love to Kitty, producing giggles from his twin.  Lance sent a tremor towards the two, causing them to tumble back, into the La-Z-Boy.  Wanda laughed, throwing her arms around her brother, dangling her legs over the armrest.  She placed her cheek on her brother shoulder, looking quite uncharacteristic.  It was strangely disturbing.  And erotic.

Lance narrowed his eyes at the girl.  _She must be up to something.  Or maybe that Apocalypse deal changed her. Whatever, I -_

"I can't believe it.  Dumping me for her own brother!"  Todd brought the back of his wrist against his forehead, pretending to faint.  Fred chuckled, catching the young boy as he fell towards the floor.  And then tossed him into the sink, wishing he had the foresight to have caught it on film.

Wanda's brought a hand over her eyes, frowning.  "Gah!  I don't zap him for one day, and he thinks we're an item."

"But cuddlebumps," Todd called from the pool of soapy water.  "What about all those great times we had?"

_What great times…?_  "You mean when I pushed you into that bee hive?"  She whirled her arms about, fuming about the Toad's discriminating memory, nearly knocking Pietro in the head.

Todd sighed, eyes glazing over as his mind ran over the week's past events.  Getting pushed into a bee hive, getting hit with a frying pan, a few zaps with a hex bolt, getting thrown into the garbage… "Ahh, memories."

A faint whisper broke Lance's attention from Todd and Fred.

"Yeah, we'll be there 20 minutes.  What?  Yeah, 20 bucks like last time.  Oh, this one's priceless.  He writes the worst poetry.  And-"  Pietro quickly shut off his cell phone.

Lance stormed over to the armchair.  "Who the hell was that?"

"Why Lance, I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about!"  Pietro smiled, tossing his phone to Fred.

Fred caught the cell, but was slow to catch onto the game.  "Uh, Pietro, I think he wanted to know who you were talking to."

Pietro sighed, his sister's weight kept him from retrieving the cell phone.  "No duh, Blob.  Look out!"

Fred looked around in confusion, unable to keep a thrown mug from pushing Pietro's phone out of his grasp and quickly let it fall into Lance's gloved hand.  The boy jammed his finger into the redial button and pressed the speaker against his ear.

"What the?  Summers?!

"PIETRO!!!!!"

Tell me what ya think, folks!  Who'll be the next victims?  Jott?  Romy?  Rietro?


End file.
